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I Said Yes

It’s dark and cold this morning as rain continues to fall, luscious and cool, making our farm vibrant green.

My garden has gone wild with all this water. Hollyhocks are as tall as I am, dill weed flowering beautifully, pea and bean vines shooting up inches every day. It’s amazing what growth a good rain produces.

I’m tired but peaceful after a wildly busy week filled with new clients and meetings, butchering and gardening, photo shoots and writing. It’s been good, so good, but I’m knackered, and today I’m taking a little break to let my body rest and thoughts settle.

food props

Yesterday, between downpours, I did a photo shoot for Plum Deluxe. They’re launching a gorgeous new magazine and asked to feature me in their premier issue. I was both thrilled and terrified. Thrilled because I love the Plum Deluxe team so much – a more supportive and real and loving group I cannot imagine – terrified because I’m overweight and sick, and the thought of capturing that version of me for posterity brought forth all the insecure and shame-filled feelings and fears.

I wanted to hide, to say no, to ask them to please wait until I felt and looked like “me” again. But I couldn’t do it. That wouldn’t have been loving to this amazing body of mine that has carried me through hell and back, that keeps on going no matter what awfulness I’ve gone through. I looked at my broad hips and rounded belly and thought, “I can’t let shame win anymore.”

So I said yes.

And I asked Bear to help me because even when we’re brave, we don’t have to be brave alone.

Russian tea set

He stayed out there with me, taking pictures of rigid me, scared me, grieving me, until we got a picture of Me Me. Me with tired but peaceful eyes, with chubby arms and ample bottom and a real, honest-to-goodness smile. I surrounded myself with things that make me happy – Russian tea set from my brother, kumquats from a dear friend, a bouquet of herbs, veggies, and flowers from my garden – and was at rest knowing that even now, when my body is still recovering from the bad stuff, I am loved.


herbal bouquet
I can’t wait for the magazine to come out because I’m going to cherish that picture forever, letting it be a reminder that no matter what we look like, no matter how we feel, we’re always worth loving, worth befriending, worth celebrating.

I’m so glad I said yes.

Wishing you the assurance of your worth today. xo

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Rambling Tart - A Rubanesque mermaid – how I love that, Tandy. 🙂

Tandy | Lavender and Lime - I think you should use the term Rubanesque rather than fat! I have called myself a mermaid to deal with my thighs touching.

Rosemary - Good for you Krista! Glad you said “yes.” Baby steps…baby steps….and with each step moving forward. Please do share the pictures of link to the magazine when it is published!! Best.

Elissa - No doubt your bravery and inner beauty, and the love and support of those around you, will show in the photos.

Cheryl - So good for you to be so positive and not allow insecurity to win over living life to the full. I’m sure the radiance in your eyes and your smile will warm everyone’s heart and show the beautiful person that you are.

Karen (Back Road Journal) - I’m glad you said yes too and I’m sure you will be happy with the results.

Jamie - I’m a shy, humble person who always wonders that people want me to do whatever they think I should do for them. But I’ve learned that no matter how often I want to run and hide, it always feels wonderful to say yes and see what we are capable of doing. I’m not surprised they asked you and I’m so happy you said yes, not only because you are worthy but because it made you feel worthy. Lovely photos, lovely words, lovely sentiments.

Evelyne CulturEatz - Congrats and great you said yes. You are beautifult, period!

Kirsty - So so so glad you said yes, did something ah-mazing, and now have this wonderful memory of the photoshoot to look back on. Krista, thank you for sharing this precious moment of yours with us. I love your strength and honesty. PS Your tea-set has a very ‘Alice in Wonderland’ look about it too, which is just lovely.
Kirsty xx

Karin@yumandmore - That’s the spirit! And you are so lucky to have Bear at your side to love every bit of you. Saying yes to life and holding on to your true self and soul is what we should all do more often. 😘

Valerie Harrison (bellini) - So glad to hear it Krista. Accepting you for who you are is such a positive step in so many ways.

rain - I can’t wait to see those photos. I will be ravished by them. I’m so proud of brave, beautiful you!

Serina - I’m glad you said yes, too. And I’m sure the picture will capture your innate beauty, just as your Bear sees it.

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