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Hand in Hand with Fear

“Nothing endures but change.”

I am a fearful person by nature. As a little girl I always wanted everything to stay the same: my room, the menu for Christmas, my friends and family. Change, for some reason, terrified me, but sameness felt safe.

Then, of course, life happened and I grew up and I realized that everything changes. And everyone. Including my dear ol’ self.

I also realized that fear was the thing that made change so scary. Fear that I wouldn’t be able to handle what came my way. Fear that I wouldn’t like the change, whatever it might be. Fear that the future would never be quite as good as the present.

Nowadays I try to see fear as my friend in adventure, someone I clasp hands with as we shout in unison, “Once more, unto the breach!”

I’m still frightened inside, but I’ve got heaps of courage in there too. And pluck. And a jolly good imagination that helps me visualize what I will do to make things better IF they really do go pear shaped.

This weekend my friend Sue asked me if I’d be open to being interviewed by the newspaper about our life on the farm. My first thought was to immediately dive under the covers and not emerge until such a scary notion had passed.

All the “I’m not good enough to do that” fears shot to the surface: “I’m not skinny enough to have my picture taken for all and sundry to see”, “Our farm’s not perfect enough to be showcased”, “I can’t let a stranger here to see all the things we haven’t done yet!”

Sigh. Honestly, those fear voices are a real nuisance.

So I shushed them. And calmly spoke truth.

“It’s OK if I’m chubby right now. I’m working hard to heal my body and get into good shape, and it’s a good thing to let people see me as I AM not who/what I wish I was. Besides, maybe a chubby farm girl with a big smile on her face will cheer someone up who’s also struggling with weight and poor health and trying to smile anyway.”

“It’s OK if our farm’s not perfect. It’s a lovely place jam-packed with possibilities and inspiring projects and it is a haven for us and our loves. And maybe someone who’s also mid-dream with stacks here and piles there will see our farm and feel encouraged to press on.”

“It’s OK if we haven’t finished everything yet. We’re allowed to have partially built smokers and half-painted beehives and chairs, tables, and beds waiting to be mended and refinished. How boring life would be if we were actually done everything and had to sit here with no projects to inspire us, no jobs to keep our hands busy and to discuss over lunch. Nope, these unfinished projects are reminders of how lucky we are to get to pursue a whole passel of dreams.”

So I said yes.

And I’m so glad I did. Jayden (reporter from the Warwick Daily News) is an absolute gem, a ray of sunshine on our farm. He loved everything, even the wonky, unfinished, just-pretend-that’s-not-there stuff, bless him. And it did my heart no end of good to share our dreams with him, to explain how healing it’s been for me to live on this farm and learn so many things, to show him our goats and gardens and ducks.

It reminded me of what we’re working towards and how much it means to us. It renewed my vision, our vision, and made all the aching muscles, bruises, cuts, and scratches absolutely worth it.

I’m so glad I’m learning to hold hands with fear, to say yes to frightening things, to do it scared. My world is so much bigger and better because of it.

What do you do when fear rears its head in your life? xo

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Karin Stienemeier - Thanks for sharing this it is encouraging! Hugs from afar xox

Anna Johnston - Mom and I were chatting over the weekend about our favourite bloggers and why we loved them and we both said you, we both love that you have shared your journey and that you have been real and open about your experiences. You give us all permission to be us. Anyways, thank you for being you.

Coffee and Crumpets - I think we all want to be fearless but in reality, we’re really not! We soemd too much time thinking about what others think about us, when the the truth is, even those “perfect” people have flaws and fears of their own.
Change has never been scary for me, I moved countries and States at a young age so change was inevitable. I embrace it and actually crave it. My fear is for my children I think, and their futures in this scary world we live in these days. I know they’ll be fine and I should trust them, but it’s hard. I can entrust them in God’s care, that’s about all I can do. Being fearful is exhausting! So, I don’t let it get to me!

Tandy Sinclair - I think you have come so far and well done for embracing what scares you!

Krista - “face it all head on” – yes ma’am, @breannemosher:disqus, that is true courage right there. 🙂 XO

Krista - “ignore the and jump” – I love that @oanaadorefoods:disqus 🙂 And here’s a link to the story: http://www.warwickdailynews.com.au/news/self-sufficient-satisfaction/2672691/

Oana | Adore Foods - I am so happy you said Yes! I would love to read a copy of the interview too. I have to say that I just shut down my fears. I know I am not good at thinking them through, so I ignore them and jump 🙂

Breanne @ This Vintage Moment - Honestly, I want to hide under the covers until it all passes but slowly learning to ask, ‘what’s the worst that can happen?’ and then face it all head on.

Loved this post, mid-dream stories are my favourite.

Krista - And so brave, facing such huge challenges each day. I’m proud to know you, @liz_posmyk:disqus xo

Krista - Thanks so much, @wanderingsheila:disqus 🙂 XO

Liz Posmyk - i too am a little fearful. Thank you for sharing this xx

Cathy - Yeah Krista. I love this post. Well done to you 🙂

Krista - Oh Susan, hugging you tight from my imperfect farm, cheering you on as you continue to love and welcome and share. XO

the fisherlady - This is me this week… and I also said yes to those wanting to come share in my imperfect life and just be as blessed as I am with it… we are so blessed to be dreamers bigger than our fears….a very good post~

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