A few months ago my new friend Sue arranged to come and spend a day with me on our farm. At first I was overjoyed to see her, but then panic set in. I was filled with trepidation because…our farm isn’t perfect.
Not even close.
There are dilapidated cars that need to be taken to the dump, piles of iron and sheet metal waiting to be turned into sheds, fences, and cages, and sheds that are in dire need of a good clear out and scrub down. Although there are also pretty gardens and gorgeous woods and the loveliest animals, at that time all I could see were the ugly bits.
I felt deeply insecure about it, worried that in seeing the unlovely parts of our farm Sue might think that maybe we were unlovely too. You see, I grew up with phrases like “cleanliness is next to godliness” and ” a messy home equals a messy heart” and other such guilt-inducing rubbish. Silly, I know, but there ya go.
So with fear and trembling I wrote to her, letting her know “all the bad things” she would be likely to encounter during her visit, then sat back to wait.
In true Sue fashion she didn’t care one bit about our messy bits. Instead she wrote something that I have treasured ever since: “It’s OK, Krista, you’re just mid-dream.”
Isn’t that beautiful?
I don’t now what Survival Mode looks like to you, but to me it was hanging on for dear life, hoping against hope that one day the darkness would dissipate and I would experience light and peace and happiness again.
It did. 🙂 And I am grateful beyond measure. We often look back at the last two years and smile and shake our heads wondering, “How did we survive that?!” But we did and I’m so proud of us. Proud of us for sticking together and helping each other and never giving up hope.
I’ve thought of our talks often since then. I’ve realized that most of life IS mid-dream. The culmination of efforts, the realization of dreams are mere flashes in the pan compared to the long, hard slog of dream building. So much emphasis is put on producing, completing, and arriving, that somehow the pleasures and satisfaction of the journey itself get lost. I’m not living like that anymore.
Since talking with Sue I’ve embraced my mid-dream life, looking with love and acceptance on the ugly and unfinished parts, seeing in them possibility and hope. I’m not ashamed to have people visit our farm now. I know some will judge me and that’s OK. I’m comfy in my life, I know how far we’ve come, and how hard we’re working to build and grow this place we love so much. This acceptance has trickled down into other mid-dreams too. Regarding my body shape and health and education and career and finances and friendships. Growing has become a pleasure instead of a pressure, and that is lovely.
Now I’m going to finish my coffee and chat with Bear then head to town to pick up fruit trees for our orchard. Yesterday I got figs and pomegranates planted, and tomorrow I hope to get pears, mulberries, bays, and some raspberry canes put in. I can’t wait to see this place in a few years. 🙂
Do you have a mid-dream in your life? I’d love to hear about it. xo