It’s been a good week. A wonderful week, really. A week of reflection and celebration and a really, truly happy heart.
Was it only five months ago that I wrote this post about PTSD and depression, those awful, painful things that I was battling with every moment of every day? I read it again today with a huge smile on my face, so thankful for the light that has come back into my heart and life, for the clarity of thought and genuine peace, for the glimpses of a stronger body and restored immune system.
I’m so thankful for the amazingly kind people that have and are helping me to heal in body and spirit.
My lovely counselor who makes me laugh heartily and cry healingly at every session and gives me tools that have done wonders in freeing my battered spirit from the traumas of the past.
My dear friends who didn’t give up on me when I could hardly make it through each day, let alone reach out to care for them the way they cared for me. I think of their notes and visits, phone calls and gifts and I’m teary with thankfulness that I didn’t have to go through this alone.
Most of all my beloved Bear. Sometimes I sit and look at him working at his computer or snoozing in his green armchair and wonder how I ever got so lucky to be loved by a man like him. He didn’t sign up for any of this, but it hasn’t altered his love for me in the least.
He tells me all the time, “My number one goal is to get you better.” And he means it. He has sacrificed so much for me, covering my bills when I was too sick to work and taking time off work to make sure I got to all my appointments with doctors, surgeons, and counselor.
It’s the little things that stand out to me most: a cup of tea waiting for me whenever I wake up each morning, holding me tight after horrible nightmares until I can fall asleep again, phone calls on his breaks, huzzahs and hugs for any bit of progress, reading aloud to me from favorite books or enduring my beloved British murder mysteries when he’d much rather be watching football or car racing. He’s a good man and I feel so lucky to share this life with him.
It is so good to take time to look back now and then, isn’t it? To see how far we’ve come in whatever we’re struggling with? While living in the moment is healthy and wise, it’s also essential to nip back to the past occasionally to give perspective.
This week I’ve been celebrating the progress in my own life and as a result finding greater courage to face the things I’m still soldiering through. By looking back I can say to myself with confidence, “C’mon ol’ girl, you can totally do this!! Look how much stronger you are now, how much braver. Feel that peace inside? That joy? That creativity? You did the healing to get to this place, and you can do the healing to get to the next. You’re going to be just fine.”
So I’m celebrating growth and courage and strength and hope, allowing myself huge grins and startling Bear with huge hugs out of the blue.
And I’m making time for creativity every day, whether it’s making up new recipes (Braised Celery Gratin – yum!!) or figuring ways to keep kangaroos out of my paddocks (sneaky buggers!) or creating new designs for my wood-burning projects. It makes me so happy to make things. I love what Susannah Conway wrote in her newsletter this morning:
“Making something new, something that didn’t exist before, is surely one of the most satisfying achievements there is.”
How about you, luv? What is one thing about yourself that you could celebrate about yourself today? And what “new thing” would you like to create today?