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Only Five Months Ago

It’s been a good week. A wonderful week, really. A week of reflection and celebration and a really, truly happy heart.

Was it only five months ago that I wrote this post about PTSD and depression, those awful, painful things that I was battling with every moment of every day? I read it again today with a huge smile on my face, so thankful for the light that has come back into my heart and life, for the clarity of thought and genuine peace, for the glimpses of a stronger body and restored immune system.

I’m so thankful for the amazingly kind people that have and are helping me to heal in body and spirit.

My lovely counselor who makes me laugh heartily and cry healingly at every session and gives me tools that have done wonders in freeing my battered spirit from the traumas of the past.

My dear friends who didn’t give up on me when I could hardly make it through each day, let alone reach out to care for them the way they cared for me. I think of their notes and visits, phone calls and gifts and I’m teary with thankfulness that I didn’t have to go through this alone.

Most of all my beloved Bear. Sometimes I sit and look at him working at his computer or snoozing in his green armchair and wonder how I ever got so lucky to be loved by a man like him. He didn’t sign up for any of this, but it hasn’t altered his love for me in the least.

He tells me all the time, “My number one goal is to get you better.” And he means it. He has sacrificed so much for me, covering my bills when I was too sick to work and taking time off work to make sure I got to all my appointments with doctors, surgeons, and counselor.

It’s the little things that stand out to me most: a cup of tea waiting for me whenever I wake up each morning, holding me tight after horrible nightmares until I can fall asleep again, phone calls on his breaks, huzzahs and hugs for any bit of progress, reading aloud to me from favorite books or enduring my beloved British murder mysteries when he’d much rather be watching football or car racing. He’s a good man and I feel so lucky to share this life with him.

It is so good to take time to look back now and then, isn’t it? To see how far we’ve come in whatever we’re struggling with? While living in the moment is healthy and wise, it’s also essential to nip back to the past occasionally to give perspective.

This week I’ve been celebrating the progress in my own life and as a result finding greater courage to face the things I’m still soldiering through. By looking back I can say to myself with confidence, “C’mon ol’ girl, you can totally do this!! Look how much stronger you are now, how much braver. Feel that peace inside? That joy? That creativity? You did the healing to get to this place, and you can do the healing to get to the next. You’re going to be just fine.”

So I’m celebrating growth and courage and strength and hope, allowing myself huge grins and startling Bear with huge hugs out of the blue.

And I’m making time for creativity every day, whether it’s making up new recipes (Braised Celery Gratin – yum!!) or figuring ways to keep kangaroos out of my paddocks (sneaky buggers!) or creating new designs for my wood-burning projects. It makes me so happy to make things. I love what Susannah Conway wrote in her newsletter this morning:

“Making something new, something that didn’t exist before, is surely one of the most satisfying achievements there is.”

Absolutely.

How about you, luv? What is one thing about yourself that you could celebrate about yourself today? And what “new thing” would you like to create today?

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Lindy Taylor - Beautiful post Krista, no one would ever think you had a worry in the world if they met you in the street. You always have a beautiful smile, great blog with stories and photos. So glad you are healing from the inside-out. xx

yepi 10 - It’s been a good week. A wonderful week, really. A week of reflection and celebration and a really, truly happy heart. I like this things

Into the Woods and a Lemon Cream Tart » Rambling Tart - […] is your favorite place to go when life feels a bit too much? […]

Tanya Lloyd - So much to say, so few words. This just makes me so happy. I am so, so happy for you lovely Krista. x

Jeanne Horak - This is so true – if you don’t record the really bad parts of your life and what you are going through, it can sometimes be very hard to convince yourself that you have made progress – but if you can read a firs-hand account how you felt at a low point and then compare it to how far you have come today, it really brings it home. I sometimes read old diaries when I was in other relationships and it reminds my why I chose the paths I have chosen that have led me here πŸ™‚ What a great, uplifting post, Today I am grateful for my ankle which has recovered from the injury I subjected it to!!

Kizi 10 - A great share. Thank you for writing this for us to read and feel the same. That is what is real and your feelings.

Hila - I would say, rather than luck being the reason that you are loved by such a man, it’s more a case of you getting exactly what you deserve πŸ™‚ He does sound like a lovely man.

weirdcombinations.com - Good to hear that you put all of this the past and are moving on finding strength within in and at the same time receiving support from you loving ones.
Love the decoration in your wooden spoons!

katyabroad - I’m so proud of you, Krista, and so glad that you have Bear to take care of you πŸ™‚ xxx

Jenna Francisco - πŸ™‚ Love is wonderful, and so is a positive perspective of seeing the joy and beauty in little things. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Krista!

Andrea and John - Congrats for all the progress you have made…it always time to work through things properly but we always get there if we persevere

Liz Posmyk - So good to hear that things are looking brighter for you…. this storm will pass, I always believe.

Marie - Lovely Dearest. Just lovely. So happy for you.

Andi Perullo - You are so blessed to have Bear and he’s so blessed to have you! Love is soooo amazing!!!

Amy @ Seven Grey Sweaters - This post made me smile so much! I love that your are sharing this journey with us. How cool that by recording a low point, you can point back to it and say “see how far I’ve come!”

Rachel Friesen - This post had me a little teary too. Being on Bear’s side of a relationship in the mental health equation, it is very encouraging to see that those little things do matter, especially in the times when they seem so very little. Depression is often such an internal battle; it helps to remember that there are ways I can help my husband through it, even if it’s something as simple as keeping on top of the dishes. Today I’m off to celebrate the creations of our creation: my eldest daughter’s very first day camp is finishing off with an art show for parents. She’s very excited to show off what she’s made, and I’m glad we can both be there to see it.

mlleparadis - Thanks for sharing all of this with us Krista! You’ve been so very brave and so inspiring to all of us. I want to say that “It’s all good!” but life isn’t really like that – but you’re reminding us that much of it can be with perseverance, and luck, and help and MAKING THINGS! It’s lovely and a privilege to share in your progress.

Have a lovely weekend…..and more……xo (Thx for the nice notes over at P.P.)

http://mlleparadis.blogspot.com

Joanne (eats well with others) - I’m so happy at all the progress you’ve made and to hear how happy you are!! You deserve so much of that in this world!

Jackie Smith - I think we ‘met’ only a short time ago, so what a joy to be able to read about where you are and where you’ve been. The blogosphere, as I have written before, has a way of making the world a smaller place and introducing us to such wonderful people — you are definitely one of those people. I am also looking forward to the post you write about this five months from now!

Maureen | OrgasmicChef - When you can look back and see progress, you know you’re coming out the other side. I haven’t known you all that long but you inspire me.

Kim - Liv Life - What a beautiful post!! I can see the progress you have made and I can see light in your heart. What a wonderful man you have found, and I can feel from your words how safe he makes you feel. Special…
And.. that spoon??? What a work of art! I think I would put it in my spoon holder, but not really use it for anything because I’d be afraid it would get discolored. Beautiful work!
What did I create today?? Hmmm… I tried to recreate a healthy beverage I had in my travels last week. It was good, but needs a bit of tweaking. Now I’m off to an evening with my girl!!

Thanks for your post… I find it positively inspiring.

Krista - Thank you so much, @melodyengelsgoff:disqus πŸ™‚ That means a great deal to me. πŸ™‚ Hugs right back atcha!! XO

Melody Engels Goff - I’m smiling with you, Krista, and delighted to hear that you are finding yourself in a better place. Hugs! =)

Krista - Wish so much I could hug you tight, dearest @breannemosher:disqus XO I love you dearly and am so thankful for your presence in my life during those dark, dreadful days. πŸ™‚

Breanne Mosher - I’m smiling big and a little teary. This makes me happy, so happy and so hopeful. Such good things in your life. I love it. =) And you. =)

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