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Time to Call the Police

I don’t want to write this post today.

I want to numb myself with movies and sleep and pretend the events of this weekend didn’t happen.

But they did.

I know they did because I can’t stop shaking. I can’t stop wracking sobs from bursting out of nowhere.

I want to stay safe and warm in the bedroom of the house where I’m hiding from the man who tried to assault me in my apartment this weekend.

But I can’t.

Because there is a restraining order to file, and counselor to meet, and an advocate to get advice from.

Mostly I can’t because if I do, he wins.

That wicked, perverse stranger I didn’t know was stalking me and listening outside my windows, building a fantasy relationship between the two of us until he showed up at my door Saturday morning trying to come in and act out his twisted fantasy.

I don’t know how I stayed calm in those terrifying moments. I don’t know how I managed to keep that fidgeting, glassy-eyed, crazy man out and get my door locked. And I don’t know how I got the strength to call my friends for help after sitting wrapped up in a blanket shaking and crying for an hour.

But I did.

And they came. And held me tight. And they brought me home.

And waited until I was strong enough to call the police.

And stood there in support while the police questioned me.

And gave me my own room with my own bed with a Little Mermaid pillow and two little dogs to curl up beside me and randomly lick my cheek.

And they listened after the police called saying they couldn’t find the man but would keep looking.

And they said I can stay here until the bad guy is found and I can find a new place to live where he can’t find me.

I don’t know how I’ll make it through all those meetings tomorrow, but another friend is taking a day off to go with me because he knows exactly what to do, who to talk to, where to go first.

And I’m so grateful I don’t have to do this by myself.

Because I need to do it.

I need to do it for myself so I’m not scared to go outside.

And for the other women who might be injured by this man if he is not stopped.

Several years ago I was sexually assaulted twice.

Back then I wasn’t strong enough to defend myself. I didn’t know I could and should go to the police. The bad guys got away with it.

I promised myself that if anything like that ever happened again, I would not be a victim. And I would not let them get away with it.

I never thought it would happen.

But it has.

And now I have to keep my promise to myself.

I won’t be a victim – though I feel very weak.

I won’t live in fear – though I am very afraid.

And I won’t let the bad guy win.

I need to take a few days off from my blog to deal with these things.

Know that I love you, am so grateful you are part of my life, and I will be back when I’m ready.

xo

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Letting Go of Anxiety Down by the Seashore » Rambling Tart - […] let anxiety about one traumatic event spill over into anxiety about everything. I let that experience cause me to doubt myself and be […]

Mhovdestad - hello dear sweet friend…I didn’t know all this had happened in your life..I’m so sorry I missed it in the blur of my life. I am praying for you NOW..and hoping for healing and peace from the fear. love you. darci

Ksenia Klykova - I was expecting to find “news” after being away from the blogoshpere for such a long time, but this…Oh, Krista. You’re a strong women. I’ve also read the last posts and I’m sure you’re going in the right direction; step by step, but in the right direction. Don’t let that man rule your life. He should be the one who is afraid because he did something wrong, not you.  I’m sending you a huge (virtual) hug. Xoxo

So Much Better Than Dead » Rambling Tart - […] doing better each day since my awful encounter with The Bad Man. Doing One Brave Thing a day has helped tremendously in building my courage and taking back the […]

Josh - My heart goes out to you.  Sin is as ugly as, well… sin. My prayers are with you. Only be strong and very courageous.

Please get a gun.

Andrea and John - Oh, sweetie – how awful! It’s good that you called them…feel better

Jody - Hi Krista. The Lord has shown me that I can find a place of peace, rest, and strength even when answers don’t come, people don’t change, and the situation doesn’t follow the plan that seems necessary to “survive.” I went through a very dark and hard time, where I was desperate to find peace and freedom from fear that haunted me daily. I was looking for peace “because” abc  happened. A wise and godly friend pointed out the peace God promises doesn’t come through the strength, wisdom, knowledge or “doings” of man, but simply is available through seeking and asking God for it. I stopped giving in to “What if’s” and cried out to God for mercy because I was afraid, weak, and needed his deliverance. My situation didn’t necessarily change, but neither did my loving, all powerful, gracious God. As impossible as it seemed he brought me to the rock that was higher than my fears & pain, he gave me peace in the midst of the dark storm I still faced, and through His perfectness, not the correction of sinful man, I found a place of rest. It is my prayer that He leads you to this same place even when the chaos and sin dwells all around you.
Praying for you my friend!!!

Bobbi Cullum - Krista I am so very thankful you had the strength to do what you needed to do!  I will pray for you as you attempt to move past this scary experience.

Vanessa@Luxuria - Darling Krista , only just read this post and am numb with shock that this has happened to you after all you have
been through. All I can do is offer my prayers for you sweetheart; prayers that the fear will leave you, and the anger will
help you surge forward to do all you need to do to get this animal off the streets.
 

One Brave Thing » Rambling Tart - […] I think I’m mostly afraid because the cops have not found the man who tried to assault me last week. […]

Alina - Oh Krista, you did the right thing, what is important is that you are safe now, staying with supportive friends and family for a while should make you feel better.
Love

Tomatoes on the Vine-velva - I am so sorry. Hold tight. You are strong.

Becky - I just saw this HORRIBLE news, sweet gal. I am sooo sorry and am praying for you. May God vindicate you and keep you and other ladies safe from this horrid person. I will definitely keep praying! 

Lauryl - Oh my god, Krista, I am so sorry! Be careful and safe and know that your friends near and far are sending warm, loving wishes your way.

Rochelle - Krista! So terribly sorry, and so very proud of you! I’m praying for the warmth of Jesus’ love to surround you, carry you through this difficult time, & heal it all. Love & hugs, your sis, Rochelle

Rochelle - Krista! So terribly sorry, and so very proud of you! I’m praying for the warmth of Jesus’ love to surround you, carry you through this difficult time, & heal it all. Love & hugs, your sis, Rochelle

Ayngelina - Wow Krista, I am totally shaken up reading this. I cannot believe how brave you are for sharing this. You are in my thoughts and I know you will make it through this.

Faith - Oh Krista, I’m so sorry that this happened.  I’m happy that you’re not letting this horrible person get away with it…and I’m so glad that you’re not in this fight alone!  I’m here if you ever need anything, even if it’s just a friend, darling.

Duchess - When things have passed with the police, should you need to get away, please come to New York. There is a very comfy pull-out couch with your name on it. Stay strong and never feel badly about asking for help from those close to you. Chin up and know that there are calming and strong vibes coming your way from me. -Elisabeth

Kathy Opalek - Just got home from the annual mission conference. I’ll add my prayers to those of many others…and you are strong. God has and will continue to give you that strength. My first thosught was to tell Herb…and then thought, san’t do that, but what would Herb say….I know he respected you as a very strong woman and cared for you deeply and would have been on the phone with you or on his way up..if he were here…but know he still sees and cares for you as does your Heavenly father and all your earthly friends…Love Kathy
PS I;ll try and call tomorrow but don’t even know if I have your current number. Know you can call me any time night or day, Love always, Kathy

flowers7012 - Oh, I am so sorry to read that ! But I admire your determination, and yes, you are right, you have to go through all the police and administrative stuff. Take all the time you need to get the negative emotions out : cry your heart’s content, verbalise your fears and anger… and if you know someone familiar with Emotional Freedom Technique it’s a great help.
Thinking of you, praying and sending out LOTS of positive thoughts.

Joanne - Oh Krista, I can’t believe this!  I am SO glad you’re okay!  Please please please stay safe.  and yes, be strong, get that man found and caught and imprisoned!  I am just so in shock.  I wish I could be there to hug you!  Know I’m there in spirit…

thefisherlady - Praying for you Krista, with all my heart…may you be safe and have peace

Pat - I made a similar promise to myself: I would never see abuse and do nothing.  Although it can be hard, it’s how we can protect people and feel whole within ourselves.  And the “bad guys” will feel less empowered and safe.  Good for you.  I will pray for you.  
Just a thought:  the Jewish feast of Purim did not celebrate the defeat of the enemy in battle; it celebrates the rest that followed.   I like that.  The battle can be long and hard, but the rest…that’s the place we want to celebrate.
Blessings to you,
Pat

Passagesparadis -  Oh dear Krista.  What an awful time.  We are with you.  

Jenny - My husband and I prayed for you last night after reading your post.  I am so sorry that you are going through this right now. 

Peggy - Oh, my Krista I am so sorry this has happened but you should be so proud of yourself. My heart breaks for you, evil has always sought to destroy the pure and good. We know that all things work together for good to them that are the called according to his purposes. May God continue to bless, keep and protect you. Keep being His shinning light. 

Masha -  I’m SO sorry, sweet friend. Praying for you! HE has you in the palm of His hands!

Jamessfehr - Praying Krista. Missed seeing you last week. Keep your chin up.

Rosannabud - Oh Krista, that’s awful! Rob and I are praying with you and for you.

Sarah Miller - Sending you love from NY. We’ll keep praying. 

Karen - Oh no, Krista! I am so very, very sorry for your hurt and pain. I applaud you for your strength and courage to help the police put this guy behind bars, and to not let someone like him victimize you. Stay strong and we are looking forward to having you back whenever you’re ready. Hugs, Karen

Tuulamattson - It’s just so terrible, Krista, I really can’t believe it. I am only comforted in knowing that you have support around you at this time. What a horrific thing to have to deal with – I am so sorry…. We’ll all be waiting for updates on your well-being, and keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.  Tuula

Lana - That is such terrible thing to happen Krista, keep strong and surround yourself with loved ones.
Thinking of you xx

Zita - Take care of yourself my friend. I’m sure you have so many friends who help you, be with you when you need. Hugs!

Hila - oh Krista, there are no words for this. We’re all thinking of you, please take your time and stay safe!

xo

Www.winosandfoodies.com - Oh Krista what a terrible experience. Sending you love and many hugs my dear. Stay safe.

Deliatiarks - Oh Krista, I’m so sorry this has happened to you!! Know that I will be praying for you!!!

rain - Oh my goodness! I am crying for you right now! I am so, so sorry, honey ~ and I pray that this person is apprehended immediately. Praying for YOU sweetheart. Thank God you are safe right now. 

Lisa - You ARE SO strong, you beat this creep. I’m so sorry this happened to you!  Praying for you and sending more warmth and comfort. *hugs*

Kristine -  I’m so, so sorry! You are brave and strong. This is just a new way to show it. Hold tight. 

Judy - crying and praying …  

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