It’s cold tonight, and I’m tucked up in bed in a nest of blankets, garbed in flannel pjs with a scarf wrapped snugly around my neck.
It’s been a strange few months for me. Some things in my world have gone topsy-turvy, upsetting cherished ideas, plans, and commitments, forcing me to look at myself, my future, my life in an entirely different light than I have before.
It’s been scary and unsettling and, eventually, after tears and freak outs and finding the courage to stare it all in the face, rather exciting.
It all started with one unscrupulous employer. Then another. Then one more. (When things come in threes, I tend to sit up and take notice.) The first was merely unreliable, the second a sexual predator I reported, the third an international scam artist I had to report to the government so they could launch an investigation. Seriously whackadoodle stuff that shook me more than a little bit and left me broke, feeling rather adrift, and none too keen to trust new people. It also triggered some rather dreadful memories from my past, and I had to take some time to process things and figure out what I was going to do next.
I spent a lot of time outside, letting gardens and animals and wind and trees and sunshine and campfires and walks do their healing, strengthening work.
I read a lot, letting stories and poems and the musings of others help me navigate my own thoughts and feelings until I could see clearly instead of through a heavy fog of fear and uncertainty.
Yes, there are spectacularly awful people in this world, liars and cheats and plain ol’ disgusting wretches, but there are supremely marvelous people too, ones who inspire and support and cheer. Encountering the bad ones has made me treasure the good ones even more.
After the initial shock wore off, I could see the situations with genuine pride. In the past when I was treated poorly I just took it. I let abusers and manipulators and nogooddirtyrottenscoundrels trample all over me. Not this time. This time I stood up for myself and made them accountable for their behavior by reporting them to the proper authorities. I wasn’t a victim, and that feels really good.
Those situations also made me look at myself differently, and see if there were ways I could be brave and expand my own business to be my main business instead of a sideline.
So I’ve been brainstorming and talking with business friends and crunching numbers and making plans and sketching out big dreams. Slowly but surely things are coming together, and I’m so excited to share with you what’s ahead.
I won’t say too much yet, there are still a few more important details to be sorted, but I wanted to let you know I’m excited. My spirit is happy dancing and whenever I think of it I smile. Pretty sure that’s a good sign.
In the meantime I do the work I have with beautiful collaborators I love and trust, I learn how to stretch pennies further than they’ve ever been stretched, and I practice living in hope instead of fear. I also do little things that make me happy: medieval projects, picking olives with Bear, and making way too many bottles of hot sauce.
Things are going to be OK.