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Looking Inward Gently

“Everyone craves for truth,
but only few like the taste of it.”
Tushar Chauhan

It’s been a soul-searching sort of morning, a time of taking a mirror in shaking hands and looking straight into it and choosing to stay in that Looking Place instead of glancing away or dropping the mirror entirely and losing myself in busy work.

It’s quite uncomfortable, mostly because it’s not all good that I see there. I see fear and insecurity, impatience and unkindness to myself and others, and the weariness that comes from avoiding this soul-examining for too long.

In the old days I would’ve stayed looking at all the bad things, letting them loom larger and larger until they obliterated the goodness that is also there. But I’m trying not to do that anymore. I’m trying to look inward with gentleness. To see those dark places and, instead of scolding myself, figure out how to flood them with light again.

I ask a lot of questions: What do I need to do, think, or believe to respond out of courage and peace instead of fear and insecurity? What can I change, add, or remove from my life and thoughts to nurture a heart of kindness, patience, and much, much love?

I find a good cry helps immeasurably in these moments. A liquid expression of remorse and release and resolve.

I also need verbal reminders of my worth and the value of those in my life, because sometimes I forget. I remind myself that we are worth going through the dark times, wrestling through the hard stuff, making the effort to establish new patterns of behavior that create relationships of safety and belonging and love.

Then I sit quietly with the dark things, the harsh words spoken out of fear, the self-protective reactions that send walls shooting up a mile high, the insecurities that keep me from doing what needs to be done. I picture us sitting on a fence, side by side, chewing a piece of grass plucked from the field as we talk things through and figure out how to do things differently next time.

I’m learning that the dark things aren’t my enemies. In fact, they’re a different sort of light, illuminating the places in me that need some attention and care. I’m learning to pay attention to them faster, to see their presence as an invaluable reminder that I need to stop, look, listen, and change.

So that’s my day today. Not one full of happy thoughts and creative pursuits, but one of soul care so that my little world is a better, kinder, gentler place for the people in it. I’m so thankful that I get to start over. And over and over.

How do you care for your soul when you haven’t been the person you want to be? xo

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My Kitchen Stories - What I WILL do is print this out and consult it each time I doubt myself. My God you can write AND it is encouraging to think that you too are just like me, insecure, not always on your game and constantly thinking, thinking. xxxxxxx

Jasline - Whenever there’s light, there’s dark, so we all need to learn to embrace it 🙂

Tandy Sinclair - I hope you find some light within yourself today!

Maureen - Perhaps I should be more like you but frankly, today is the day I live in. I can’t fix the past and even looking back isn’t going to make my life better. Only living for today and looking forward keeps me in the frame of mind I want to be in. Every once in a while something from my past will rear its ugly head and I’ll spend a day feeling sorry for myself. I don’t enjoy that much and I don’t find it terribly helpful.

Nancy - Being kind to yourself, about yourself is the hardest thing. So much easier to be kind to others.

Joanne (eats well with others) - I think we all need to do some soul care every once in a while, but make sure you’re treating yourself well!

Karin Stienemeier - You speak from my heart and soul Krista. I find that being compassionate to one’s self is life’s hardest leasson. The greatest of hugs from across the world. xox

mlleparadis - gorgeous gorgeous photo. beautiful accompaniment to this post! we have to have days like this but yes, better ones will come.

http://mlleparadis.blogspot.com

Cheryl - Humility is a beautiful quality that endears us to others. Having the humility to admit that we are not perfect and that we might need to improve on something is a good thing. And having a fresh start the next day is a good thing too. You are a beautiful person Krista.

katyabroad - Look after yourself, darling. You are so beautiful and you inspire me everyday 🙂 But I am so with you on having a good cry – I hate it when people assume you must be depressed just because you shed a few tears every now and then – it is so cathartic and healing!

Hotly Spiced - I think we all do things we regret or do things we think we could have done better. It’s very hard not beating yourself up over and over. I try to turn these moments into positives by remembering that you learn more from your failings than you do from your successes xx

Linda Dresselhaus - This is a lovely thought-provoking post…I pray, self-reflect, and try to be kind to myself.

Krista - Thank you, @breannemosher:disqus XO I’m so glad these are good words for you too. Gently, gently – I think it’s going to be my word for a while. XO

Krista - I am the same, @wanderingsheila:disqus, and trying very hard to as supportive and encouraging of myself as I try to be for others. Thanks so much for the good vibes. 🙂 XO

Breanne @ This Vintage Moment - Oh Krista, this is beautiful. What a good way of looking inwardly, the dark places as instructional not places to stay in. Looking inward gently. This will stay with me for a long time.

Cathy - I’m still working that out Krista. I tend to be super critical of myself, making it more essential to take care of my soul. Sending good vibes your way, we will all get there in the end xx

Krista - We sure are, Val, and it’s a comfort to know I’m not alone in this. XO

bellini - That’s a tough one Krista. We are our own worse enemies and some self examination can be very healing.

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