I’m in a lot of pain today. Have been for several months now.
A few months ago I underwent a lot of tests and they’ve been monitoring me since then. Tomorrow I go in for more, and hopefully we’ll have a better handle on what we’re dealing with.
The last few days have been especially bad and the truth is, I’m scared.
I try not to be, of course. I try to think good, cheering thoughts, notions brimming with hope and bravery, but sometimes the very best thing is simply to have a good cry and blurt out all the things I’m scared of: another surgery, inability to have babies, a whole lot more pain.
So I do, and for a while I feel a lot better and can see clearly all the things I have to be grateful for: I’m alive, I am loved by a dear man who cherishes me whether I can have babies or not, and I have good friends who check on me regularly and make sure I never feel alone.
Those are the things that keep me going and help me find joy again.
The last few days I haven’t been up to blogging, but today I want to chronicle some of the beautiful things in my life that make me smile in the midst of doctor visits and pill swallowing and a body that’s having a rather rough time of it.
This morning I walked out to my garden for the first time in a while and, wonder of wonders, it was not only growing but thriving! (Thank you unexpected rainfall that rescues neglected gardens) I found baby beets, some lovely white radishes, and even pulled one tiny purple carrot just so I could taste that amazing fresh-carrot-flavor. 🙂
We found some treasures at the market this week – bunches of gorgeous kale, lovely new potatoes, and these beautiful white nectarines that remind me of my years spent in California.
And last but not least, luscious, silky, juicy mangoes.
Much to my delight, it is Mango Season in Australia again. The very best time of the year. 🙂
I know a lot of you are going through hard times right now too. I wish I could hug you tight so we could both feel better. Hugs are lovely things like that. 🙂
Is there anything putting a smile on your face today? I’d love to hear about it. 🙂