It’s been a week marked with pain and sadness, both personal and in the lives of those dear to me. Yesterday was one of tears and that tightness in the chest that comes from grief and anxiety over things you cannot change, but wish with all your heart that you could.
I want to fix, heal, restore, and I can do none of them.
As I worked through my sadness yesterday, I sat in Bear’s big green armchair and edited photos from my trip to Bosnia from a couple of years ago. Seeing these images, so soft, green and intensely peaceful, helped me move from deep grief to deep peace. I let myself have a good cry, spoke aloud the things laying heaviest on my heart and then read moving and inspiring things like this post from my friend Rain.
As the day came to a close I was wrung out but at rest. My hope was restored, my joy intact. It’s a lovely thing to be able to hope again. To see the pain in this world and hope for those broken relationships to be restored, those shattered bodies made whole, those places of darkness illumined with light.
I cherish those hopes and thought of the family motto of my Mum’s Welsh family line: “While I breathe, I hope.” All is not lost while there is still life. The broken things can be healed.
I put on the kettle and slid ginger cookies into the oven. I smiled as the sun came out after days of rain and cloud. And I just shook my head and chuckled when my dear, wretched goats found another hole in the fence to escape through.
Life is devastatingly painful sometimes. And scary. And sad. But somehow it’s still beautiful, with friendships and experiences that restore, comfort, and cheer.
“Be brave enough to hold onto the hope that life will be beautiful again.” – Brave Girls Club
I wish you a beautiful weekend, dear ones.