I don’t talk too much about my past here. Mostly, I think, because I want this blog to be a place of peace, beauty, and hope where anyone, including myself, can feel safe and loved. But there’s also some fear. I’m afraid my abusers will read this and smile that I still struggle with what they did to me. I’m afraid people won’t believe me. I’m afraid that in thinking about those things, my nightmares will return.
But I don’t need to be afraid.
I am safe. I am loved. I am free. I’m also strong and brave, and my abusers can’t get to me anymore.
I want to tell you a little bit about my past today because of my friend Andrea. She and I met as teenagers in a religious cult based in the Midwest. It was a traumatic time for both of us as we endured emotional, spiritual and physical abuse, daily brainwashing and neglect. I was in the cult for ten years before I found the courage and strength to escape. Andrea was stronger and got out before me, and I didn’t see her again until just a few years ago when she rang me up out of the blue to see how I was doing.
I was a bit of a mess. I was afraid of everything and everyone. I went from one abusive relationship to the next because that’s where I was comfortable. I kept stuffing down my past because it was too painful to deal with.
Then Andrea rang. She cried with me, relived those years with me, said “I understand” and I believed her, because she did. She gave me hope that this lost, dark, scared feeling wouldn’t last. She helped me to see I was much stronger and braver than I thought. And she showed me that the only way out of pain was straight through the middle of it.
Over the past four years her honesty, compassion and unbelievable bravery have helped me through the darkest time of my life. I’ve never known anyone so real, open, and utterly unashamed to be herself. Coming from a world where every word, expression and behavior is calculated, Andrea’s larger-than-life personality was a glorious breath of fresh air. She helped free me up from years of brainwashing, figure out who I was under all that fear and insecurity, and find that beautiful peace, happiness, and freedom I had only read about but never experienced.
In case I haven’t made myself clear, I love that girl to bits. 🙂
I tell you all this because Andrea needs our help. Since a dear friend of hers lost his battle with drug addiction, Andrea has had a soft spot for those with similar struggles. In July 2010 she realized that several guys from a local Recovery Home were closet musicians. A brilliant musician herself, she invited them to an impromptu Jam Night and they loved it! She had no idea how that one night would spark a tradition that has turned into an amazing place of healing, creativity and inspiration with a marvelously crazy group of recovering addicts she absolutely adores.
Their little group has blossomed and is meeting such a vital need in the community that they are seeking funding from the Aviva Community Fund to provide instruments and music for this great group of guys trying to change their lives. All they need are our votes. If you are interested, could you take one minute today to vote for them? Just click here to vote. You can also see photos, read more about the group, and watch a great short video where you can meet some of the guys.
In the meantime, here are photos of the roast pork pie I made this week. 🙂 I will have to give you the recipe later today because I’m going to be late for work! Yipes!! 🙂
Love you all. 🙂
You are safe. You are loved. You are free. There is a Savior Who delights completely and simply in the woman He made and saved. We must fight to be the quirky unique people He made us to be, for He delights in His creatures. Hugs, friend.
Thank you, dearest Marie. You’ve got me teary and smiling. 🙂 Love you!
Thanks for the reminder to vote–I forgot that I can vote more than once! Music is such an amazing thing for the human–body and soul.
OH, KRISTA!
THANK you for posting about our application … and thank you for your incredible words. You have undone me this morning and my heart is FULL, so much love, so much support. SO MUCH LIFE!
Wiping tears of gratitude and joy ….
What a wonderful program for these folks! Thanks for opening your dear and generous heart Krista…I love you and stand with you always. And thank you Andrea for using your gifts and wonderful heart to help heal others! I’m proud of you both!
i could do with some of that pie just about now. odd how a week eating hummous and curries makes you want to murder anything with beef and gravy!
great post about andrea. cannot BELIEVE what both of you had to get through. will cast my vote pronto! xoxo
You’re welcome, Anna! 🙂 Yes, music is truly amazing. I know you know that firsthand. 🙂
You are so very welcome, my Drea!! Biggest of hugs to you, dear friend. 🙂
LOL! You’re so right, Paradis. 🙂 I just HAD to have something warm and cozy after eating uber-healthy for a while. 🙂
Thank you SO much for voting! That means a lot to me. 🙂
Aww, Mums, thank you SO much for your words and love. I’m all teary now, feeling loved to bits. Isn’t Drea doing an incredible job? So proud of her too. 🙂 Love you!
Thanks for sharing your story, Krista. That takes a lot of courage, so hats off to you for being so brave and honest. I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult all this must have been for you (and still is). Glad to see you have wonderful and supportive friends. Love your blog and wish you all the best. 🙂
I am so glad you made it out of that terrible place Krista and that you are here now spreading so much joy and happiness to so many. I will gladly vote for anyone who helped you get through such a rough time. A friend of yours is a friend of mine.
Thank you so much, Karen. 🙂 Things are much, much better now. It makes a huge difference letting go of toxic, abusive influences and being surrounded with kind and loving people. 🙂 I am grateful. 🙂 I love your blog too!
Thank you, Joanne! You are such an amazing support and I really appreciate you voting for Andrea. 🙂
Oh sweetest one, i love to see u healed ,blossomed and free!!
It hurts when i hear about u ,but am happy those days are way behind and they will never catch up ever again!
The pork pie sounds like totally something i wud love:-)
Thank you, dear Mia! You’re so right. Those dark days can never come again. 🙂
Yes, dearie, I think you’d LOVE the pork pie. 🙂
oh hunny! thank you for your honesty and sharing your story. you are amazingly brave not only to be where you are now (living a life so full of life and adventure) but also to offer part of your pain with us here!
someone told me once that our pain is like the dark threads in a grand tapestry. they must be there for the light colored threads to show up.
thanks also for sharing the info about Andrea’s group and how we can support! 🙂
If I could ever grasp your talent for photography and food…I would feel blessed. You have been….and my eyes are green!!
Oh wow, much love back to you! You are so brave for talking about this.
My sweet Krista! I am SO PROUD of you and stand with you always!! I love you and you ARE the Brave and Strong and so loved!! Thank you to your friend who is amazing and for the lives she touches.
Don’t be afraid of sharing with story with people who love you. You are an inspiration. Your positive outlook and energy filter through your blog, your comments and the way you interact. Much love to you. xo
Thanks for sharing this Krista & really admire all you’re doing for your friend- I hope that Jam Night gets all the love & support it needs!
thanks for sharing Krista, and keep sharing….. it gives everyone who reads & shares your story permission to be themselves and accept themselves and completely and utterly defuses the bully’s who abused you.
Go you good thing, keep it up & keep sharing & keep believing and know your safe & protected.
That pie looks stonkingly good and you are lucky to have such a great friend who understands what you’ve been through.
We all come from paths unknown. Thank you for sharing your valiant struggle and story of triumph. The miracle is that we can all pay forward the kindness of others. I will check out the link.
🙂
Valerie