I feel very grateful today.
Someone close to me has found peace after years of anguish, and I’m so happy for him.
In just a few weeks I will be an auntie for the first time and I can’t wait.
And yesterday I met an amazing new friend, a lady whose past is so similar to mine we could hardly believe it.
There is inestimable comfort found in talking with someone who understands. It is such a gift to be validated, to hear someone say, “I know. It really happened. It’s going to be OK.”
And you believe them because they were there.
As a teenager I was in a religious cult for nine years. Years where I was brainwashed and abused physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. For years after I blocked out much of what happened. Couldn’t remember it for the life of me. I now know that’s a common occurrence among survivors of such things.
Over the past few years I was able to get counseling and therapy and began a painful and wonderful process of healing. Healing is the best thing, but it is also the scariest and hardest thing I’ve ever been part of.
Last year I started a new life in Australia, a life I love more than I can say. 🙂 I had no idea what a refuge it would be, how healing and nourishing it would be to live on our little goat farm, to have a man beside me who loves me unconditionally, and to have dear Aussie friends who hug me tight, laugh and say, “You have the craziest past we’ve ever heard of, but we sure love you.”
Healing has brought back memories of those years, of other traumatic events that my mind, in self-preservation, blocked out for a while. I don’t like those memories. I don’t like the nightmares that accompany them. I hate the physical pain that inevitably follows.
But it’s worth it. So worth it.
To get through a night without waking up screaming.
To get through the normal ups and downs of life without crumpling. (For too long, anyhow ;-))
To be able to love without fear.
These are the things that make this worthwhile.
But now and then you need a little boost. We all have such unique stories, individual pains and traumas, that sometimes we need a kindred spirit to come along and say: “I’ve been where you’ve been, I’ve seen what you’ve seen, I’ve hurt how you’re hurting, and you’re going to be OK.”
That’s what my new friend did for me yesterday. When I got home there was an email from her waiting for me. And it meant so much to me that I have to share it with you. Maybe you need to hear her words too:
“I’m so glad we got to meet today beautiful girl!
Never again will you be alone and isolated.
From now on you will always be heard, believed, understood, validated, cared for and free.
You are amazing, honest, courageous, intelligent, strong, wise, and beautiful!
You have so many gifts to offer the world through your experiences.
Catch up again soon x”
I hope her words sink deep into all our hearts and spur us on to deeper healing and greater loving as we fumble our way through this crazy, heart-rending, beautiful thing called Life.
Wishing you a beautiful weekend. XO
Aww I love this post, and what a beautiful e-mail. Your past sure does sound crazy, but I’m glad you’re going through the process of healing and getting over what happened to you during those 9 years. Focus on the future, not your past, and remember that you have so much to offer the world and so many reasons to smile 🙂
Thank you SO much, Tom. 🙂 Your words are perfect inspiration to top off this day. 🙂
I am so happy for your Krista. Your positivity and strength is so inspiring. Talk soon xo
Thank you, dear Cailin. 🙂 Can’t wait to talk with you again. 🙂
I am so happy for you Krista. Your positivity and strength is inspiring. talk soon xo
a true friend is a priceless gift… so happy for you!
Thank you so much, Susan. 🙂 I know you understand too. XO
A beautiful post Krista. How special to have found a beautiful friend who understands what you have gone through. Your strength is amazing. Stay strong…the future is exciting
It IS exciting, Jenny. 🙂 Thank you for reminding me. Just before I got your message I was sitting here thinking how happy I am to feel TRULY excited about the future. That’s a lovely thing. 🙂
Love you. Always.
Thank you, dearest Drea. I KNOW you do. 🙂 XO
Thank you for writing this! I have been where you have and…your voice is now being used to comfort, encourage, heal, and bless so many!
Oh David, I know you’ve been there. 🙂 Thank you so much for your support. You are one of my heroes!! 🙂
you’re going to be an auntie?! who is having a baby?
I sure am, Robyn! 🙂 Ryan and Melissa are expecting sometime in August. 🙂
I feel privileged that you’ve shared your story with me before. And I’m amazed that you emerged on the other side of this trauma, with such an outlook on life. And so many wonderful things in your life at the moment!
Thank you, Hila. Your writings have inspired me so much, and given me courage just when I needed it. 🙂
The woman I see before me is loving, courageous and spirited and will always bring inspiration to many.Keep on smiling Krista.
Thank you so much, dear Val. 🙂 You’ve been such a shining example to me of strength and love for life. 🙂
True-er words were never spoken krista – you really do have so much to offer this world, what a counseller you would make!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gratitude and Acceptance is a great place to start hey.
They are the perfect place to start, Neil. 🙂 They put everything in perspective, help me see just how lucky I am. 🙂
true-er words were never spoken Krista. you really do have so much to offer this world, what a great counseller you would be !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gratitude and Acceptance are a great place to start hey
It is so much easier to share your feeling with someone who has similar experience and background. I am happy for you 🙂
Thank you so much, Dewi. 🙂 It is so lovely to be happy. 🙂
joy to you, my friend! What good news 🙂
Thank you, dearest Fiona! Love you dearly. 🙂
I know exactly how difficult those nine years must have been and how hard it is to work through all those years of abuse. Finding someone who understands is so important. So happy you have found a new friend who will be there for you. 🙂
I know you understand, Jenny. You were there too. XO I’m so glad that we are thriving now. 🙂
oh this made me cry! i’m so happy….so happy for you!!!! <3
Thank you, darling! I know you understand! XOXO
Wow Krista, I’m so pleased to hear that you have met a kindred spirit. Her email is really moving – thanks for sharing that. Have a super weekend 🙂
You are welcome, Cathy. 🙂 I’m so glad it was meaningful to you too. XO
This post makes me very happy! It’s SO rare to find someone with a similar background. So glad that happened to you. Also, kudos to you for being able and willing to acknowledge what happened to you as ABUSE. It took me a long time to realize why I was so angry… I was so brainwashed that I didn’t realize how emotionally and spiritually abusive my situation was. 🙁
Thank you so much, Amy. It’s incredible how brainwashed we were. I’m SO glad that we’re both able to see it for what it was AND call it for what it was. And I’m most glad of all that we are free now. And loved. 🙂 XO
I am so happy for you Krista, and so thrilled that you have found your peace and a man who loves you unconditionally. There’s no better feeling than that in the whole world and you deserve all this happiness & more! Thinking of you 🙂 xo
Thank you, dear Tuula. 🙂 You’re so right, there is NO better feeling than being truly loved. 🙂
lovely for you and good for you for sharing and carrying on! hope the rest of the weekend has been a good one. so glad you found a soft landing in Oz.
I love how you phrased that, Paradis – a soft landing. 🙂 Makes me smile. 🙂
It sounds like you’re in such a great place right now and I love it! I’m so happy for you.
Thank you, dear Joanne! 🙂 You’ve been there through so much of this journey and it means a great deal to hear of your happiness. 🙂
I know I’m late in commenting on this post, but as soon as I saw it, I just had to. 🙂 Darling Krista, you inspire me SO much–I can’t tell you how many times I’ve found myself mentioning you to someone (my hubby usually now 😉 as “this amazing friend in Australia,” and then I explain all the reasons why you’re so amazing and fabulous and lovely. You are so brave to have continued to write and share through so much pain. You are altogether beautiful and I can’t wait to keep reading your story and find out what happens next. Peace and joy and God’s LOVE to you Krista.
Oh Bekah darling, you always know just the right words to say to cheer my heart and get me all teary and make me laugh. THANK YOU! XOXO Love you heaps. XO
Your willingness to be honest and truthful on here is so inspiring. I am in awe of your ability to be so raw in such a beautiful way.
That means so much to me, Ayngelina, especially since you are MY hero in your ability to be so real. 🙂 Thank you for your very kind words. XO
Despite being a little in responding, the precious and comforting words in your message could not have arrived at a more appropriate time. Thankyou for your strength, for sharing your truth and for reminding us how beautiful we all are, despite our tarnished pasts. And most of all, thankyou for inspiring me to share my own story. My journey has been blessed meeting you xx
thank you for sharing. you are so strong!
What a beautiful, inspirational post! The colours of those flowers are just exquisite too – hugs to you!
I think I would just like to fill this comment box with the words Thank You. Over and over and over again … Xx
I couldn’t have said it any better than your friends email said…Always look forward to the next turn in the road on this journey we are sharing. Always your ever- well- wishing friend.