One of the men who molested me died last month.
I don’t know what one is supposed to feel in these circumstances, but I feel tired. And relieved. And very quiet. Like I’ve been holding my breath for a long time and can finally let it out.
Just before I received the news, a friend wrote about “sitting quietly with pain.” At the time I didn’t have any situation to apply it to, but when this man died, I had a big one.
So I’ve been sitting quietly with this pain. Letting my mind and heart and spirit sort through whatever they need to. I cry when I need to cry. I get angry when I need to get angry. I go for long walks through the bush with my dogs, letting nature and fresh air and exertion have their healing way.
I’ve been reading a lot. Good books that help me grieve. Ones that give me hope. Others that make me laugh. It’s amazing how powerful words are.
I’ve also been looking at pictures. Beautiful pictures of sunny spring days in Albania (here and here) and Slovenia, transporting myself to places that have known deep pain and upheaval but have grown into places of incredible beauty and serenity.
For the first few weeks I lost my joy, my passion for the things that normally bring me such happiness. I didn’t want to cook or travel or spend time with people. I just wanted to sleep, to stay at home and be safe.
I’m doing better now. Much, much better. Anger, grief and fear have run their course and my heart is at rest. I can think of him and what he did without needing to throw-up or hide away. He has no power over me. I am no longer a victim. I am strong and brave and I am choosing Life.
I’m back to cooking again. 🙂 Lovely, sunny things like this Orange Yogurt Tart with a coconut-flavored crust. It goes awfully nice with a creamy cup of hot coffee.
Thank you for being wonderful, bright spots in my life, dear ones. I’m so grateful for you. xo
Orange Yogurt Tart with Coconut Crust
Ingredients for Crust:
3/4 cup butter, melted
3/4 cup granulated sugar
2 tsp coconut flavoring
1 cup whole-wheat flour
1/2 cup white flour
Ingredients for filling:
1/2 cup butter
1/4 cup plain Greek yogurt
3 egg yolks
juice and zest from four large oranges
2/3 cup granulated sugar
- Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (200 degrees C).
- Combine all ingredients for crust and press into 10-inch fluted tart or quiche pan.
- Par-bake for twenty minutes.
- While it is baking, place butter and yogurt in small saucepan over pan of boiling water. Stir until thoroughly combined then set aside.
- In another small saucepan add eggs, egg yolks, sugar and orange juice. Place over pan of boiling water and stir constantly for three minutes. (If you don’t stir, you’ll get scrambled eggs instead of a smooth filling.) Add orange zest and yogurt mixture and stir constantly for another three minutes.
- Remove from heat and pour into par-baked crust.
- Place in oven
- Pour the orange filling into the prepared pastry and bake 30-35 minutes, until top browns beautifully.
- Cool before serving.