Hello, luvs! Isn’t it a wonder, after a long phase of fear, grief and pain, to wake up and realize that you feel happy again? That smiles and laughter come without you forcing them? That you’re bravely doing things that only weeks before had you shaking in fright?
That’s what this week has been for me. A good, wonderful, surprising thing. And it makes me smile.
I don’t know about you, but sometimes when awful things happen and bad people hurt me, or illness wracks my body and I lose people I love, when the stresses of life seem to pile up higher and higher, I make things even worse by turning a magnifying glass on myself, quickly finding weaknesses and faults. Soon I’m questioning my worth, doubting my ability to make good decisions, and end up a puddle overwhelmed by fear and false guilt.
What. A. Mess.
Thankfully I’m getting better. 🙂 Those “puddle moments” aren’t as frequent and don’t last so long. I’m retraining myself to respond in healthy, positive ways and they’re becoming second nature instead of thoughts so foreign I don’t even know where to begin. That is lovely. 🙂
Thank you to so many of you who’ve written to tell me your stories of survival from assault and abuse. I cried with you, wanted to beat up the bad guys for you, and didn’t feel alone anymore. I hate that we go through wretched things in this world, but I’m so glad we have each other to provide comfort and hope along the way. I sure love you guys and wish I could hug you tight.
I’ve been thinking a lot about courage lately. It’s a word usually associated with great acts, mighty feats of bravery, but I’ve come to match it up with much different things:
- my friend M who is starting her own business even though she’s in constant physical pain and afraid of failure.
- my friend K who roasts marshmallows and makes jewelry even though she’s reeling from the death of her dad and the abandonment of her husband.
- my fellow cult-survivors who are going public with their stories even though they’re scared, just so they can rescue and protect others still trapped in that awful place.
- my friend J who plants gorgeous gardens even though she’s achingly lonely so far away from all her children and extended family.
- my friend E who moved to Greece to build a beautiful life for her two children after escaping an abusive husband.
- my friend B who plays with her little girl even though she’s grieving the loss of her twins.
- my other friend B who takes pictures of beautiful things even though she can barely function after chemotherapy.
- my married friends who are going to counseling even though they’re scared, because they know they’re worth fighting for.
I love this sort of courage, the kind of bravery that chooses to LIVE when even life itself seems be trying to make us give up.
What is your act of courage today? I’d love to hear about it. Your courage gives me strength.
Wishing you a beautiful weekend, dear ones.